I have been getting much better at saying no. It really feels pretty good, once I get over the initial feeling of feeling bad or guilty. For example, I often get calls from pr reps or marketers who want to pitch me their client in the hopes I write about them. Even worse is when marketing firms call just to ask if they can get my feedback or thoughts on products. I used to get so annoyed when they went on and on and really I had so much else I should have been doing...
Finally I have gotten the hang of interrupting them and saying, Sorry, I don't have time for this. And can they call back later? No, sorry, I just don't have time for this sort of thing. Bye. I really don't.
It does feel pretty good, standing up for my time. My dad recommends making appointments for yourself, just to make sure you're protecting your time. So if someone asks you to meet at 8am, you can say, no, I have an appointment then. No need to mention it's just with yourself. Is that lying though? It's a pretty attractive strategy. Although often it's enough just to say, no, I can't, without giving a specific reason.
I used to have a lot of early morning phone calls. (Well, early for me, which means 9am.) But I prefer to ease into my days, and have quiet time to myself until around 10 or 10:30. So now I usually say I'm available after 10:30. So far, it hasn't been a problem.
Monday, March 10, 2008
Saying no
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4 comments:
If you have scheduled time with yourself, I absolutely don't think it's lying to say you have an appointment. Time to yourself and with yourself is as important as anything.
It is curious how hard it is to learn to say no. Where do you suppose that comes from? It seems particularly pronounced in women, don't you think?
Yes, definitely! so many of the self-help type books I've been reading lately -- mainly in the career and money management areas -- have emphasized that women have trouble with this and need to learn how to say no. Where does it come from?? I have no idea.
When I was in Real Estate for a time, it became very important to block out personal time for my family otherwise there wasn't any!My poor kids would get the bottom of the barrel. So I scheduled in family time and personal time as the first appointments in my calendar. Stevan Covey recommends it and it works very well. Because it was on there as an appointment, I didn't feel like I was lying when I said, "I'm sorry, I already have an appointment at that time."
I love that idea of actually scheduling an appointment with yourself. And even more- not explaining it. That's what I have the hardest time with- worrying that my excuse is not good enough. That someone will judge how I really want to spend my time. But we all have different needs and need to do whatever it takes- without having others make their judgement.
I think I will even try to write my date with me in my agenda- that way I am accountable to actually doing it!
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