Q&A: Aura Mae

After years of listening to her clients, hairdresser and stylist Aura Mae decided to write a book about it -- more specifically, a book of advice based on all the stories that she's heard. So she wrote Get Some Hairapy, which is full of tough-love advice for the modern gal. I asked Aura to share some of her secrets -- and those of her clients'.

How did you get the idea for Hairapy?

After more than 15 years of listening to a litany of complaints, I noticed that there was a single theme underlying many peoples' problems. They just couldn't seem to take responsibility for their own crap. They complained about their relationships, but weren't actually doing anything to change things. I got tired of listening to the same old tales of woe and started calling on my clients to hold themselves accountable for the drama.

You talk about how women share their problems with their hair stylist… can you dish on some of the most interesting conversations you've had with clients? What are some common problems?

When you have the same clients for 20 years, an interesting thing happens. The client and the hairdresser both age! As we go through different phases in our lives, we discuss different things. In our twenties we talk a lot about choosing a partner and the drama that surrounds the hunt. In our thirties, we discussed more about making long-term relationships work, parenting, and relationships with our parents. Clients share their most intimate secrets. I know they are planning a divorce long before their husband does.

If you could make your clients (and readers) do one thing to improve their lives, what would it be?

If you're not happy, it IS your fault! When you find yourself complaining about the challenges in your life, take a good hard look at what responsibility you hold in the matter. Get better at determining what is your problem and what is not. There is always someone who's life is harder than yours. Like my mother used to say: "I was sad that I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet." Count your blessings, and above all, "Shut up. Quit whining. Get over it." Do you want to be defined as a person with problems or a person with solutions? And remember my best beauty tip: whining is unattractive, but serenity is beautiful!

Like many therapists, when I am with a fellow professional, we talk about our clients. With names withheld, we play "My client is crazier than yours!"

What self-help advice do you personally follow to make yourself happier?

Since I am not immune to the ups and downs of life (I am the parent of two teenagers, for crying out loud!) I have to remind myself to focus on what I can control and what I need to let go. Not everything is fixable. Some things I just have to accept (and not whine about!)